Hello, my friends.
It is almost the end of May, and I’ve just thought of a brand new way to celebrate life. I will pretend I am the Great Alien From Out Of Space, the one responsible with kicking all the useless, annoying everyday objects into the most enormous black hole ever known to mankind. When they come out the other end, all of these things stand a last chance of becoming useful in some way by merging into a large planet capable to support life (of a more tolerant kind than Homo Sapiens).
So, GAFOOS decided that the most useless and annoying object of May 2012 is… drum roll… the TAP.
What do you mean, we can’t be annoyed by taps. Of course we can. I am. On a regular basis. And before you start shouting abuse at me I will clarify. I understand the need for water taps. I understand the need to wash and keep clean (believe me, I do – I have kids and a houseful of pets, not to mention a husband!).
What I’m talking about is the short, stumpy tap that sits so close to the edge of the sink that you’d need to shrink your hands tenfold before you could fit them under the water jet.
The type of tap that can deliver only freezing cold or scorching hot water, never a feasible temperature for the much-too-vulnerable human body.
The tap that comes fitted with a water ‘diffuser’ that allows 90% of the drops to land on your clothes, instead of on your hands.
The tap that has such a smooth, shiny top, there is no chance you could turn it on or off without a reasonable amount of engineering aptitude and dedication.
Sure, this is the tap we’ve had and used for years and years and we managed to live with it; why change it?
Because we’ve evolved, that’s why! Because we know better. Because we call ourselves a developed society and live in modern times. If we can have mixer taps, why not have them as standard? If we are able to make taps that allow for proper hand washing, why not make them as standard? Why do we even bother to produce such annoying devices? And don’t say ‘to fit the sinks’. I’m quite confident we can produce sinks with just one hole instead of two!
So, there. Rant over. GAFOOS decided that this month, the short, stumpy tap is going through the black hole. See you in June.