I’m one of those people. You know the kind. The ones who could weather a whole week of bad luck, but then one little thing happens that totally throws them over the edge. If you look at it carefully, you end up wondering what the big fuss is all about.
But then I’m one of those other people, too. You also know those ones. The ones who can put an argument across so smoothly, you are absolutely convinced that their opinion has been your opinion since the dawn of time. Even if you distinctly remember thinking it was bull last week.
So I’ve decided to pick a ‘Champion Annoyance’ every week. See if you agree with my point of view.
Of the many irritations in my life this week, I managed to skip merrily over losing my pen when it had been in my hand only a split second before, I glazed over forgetting to click the kettle on after I filled it up, and even ignored the big splodge of hand-cream on my bed cover (which I made as I fumbled in the dark, after remembering that I would not be able to switch off my table lamp with slippery hands).
What really got my goat this week is glasses – sunglasses hitting and hanging on to that top spot on my hate list every single day. And these are the three main reasons why.
- You can never try them on in a shop successfully. For a start, they have THE LABEL. The one that either obscures half your face so you can’t work out if you look foxy enough in them or pokes you in the face, leaving streaks in your carefully applied make-up and makes them feel so out-of-balance, you can never be quite sure if they’ll be comfortable or not. And if the label doesn’t faze you, there’s always the lighting issue. They are SUNglasses, which makes your ability to gauge their performance in SUNshine nil. Shops are lit, but they are not sunny. Put those glasses on, fight the label out of the way, secure one of the mini-mirrors all for yourself, and then you still won’t be able to actually see – 1. your face, and 2. how well they’ll protect your eyes from the sun.
- If you’ve managed to get all the above guesswork right and are actually satisfied with your purchase, they’ll still be useless in changing weather. I’m talking the sort of days we’ve been having lately, when the sun is bright and raw and the clouds race across the sky, occasionally stopping for long enough to dump an enormous quantity of water on you. It’s bad enough when you’re on foot. The glasses either slide off your nose in the sun, or are so dark, you trip up in the shade. Even worse, if it rains, there’s the off-on sequence to contend with. I hate handbags, so I tend to put everything I need in my pockets. Sunglasses can make me look unnecessarily lumpy. Lumpier. Whatever!
- But the hardest breaks are for the people who have vision problems – they have no choice but wear glasses. You can get prescription glasses, sure. But have you ever tried to walk around a shop with a pair of those on? The looks you attract range from the ‘Stupid! Not sunny in here, is it?’ to ‘Stuck up bitch, take them off so I can say this to your face!’. And no, it’s not always easy to stop and change the prescription sunglasses for a clear pair. You have one case and two pairs of glasses. What do you do first? Remove the ones from the case, or the ones on your nose? Remember, you’ll have to do all this one-handed because you have the case in one hand, and temporarily vision-impaired, because there will have to be a short period of time when you’ll be wearing neither. And if it’s raining, you’ll have the pleasure of trying to dry them and change them for the pair in the case whilst keeping the other pair dry. And looking excessively lumpy whilst you do all that. Come to think of it, vision-impaired people are some of the most dexterous people I’ve ever seen, even when they don’t really look it.
But there’s always the contact lens option. They itch, they slide off centre, you lose them if you wipe your eyes, they make you squint after a few hours, but at least you don’t have the juggling act in the rain or the shops. They won’t add anything to your sexy image, like some glasses can do, but all in all that’s two out of the three major points dealt with (you’ll still need sunglasses, so point one still stands). So, it’s lenses for me, at least until the weather settles. Goodbye juggling acts in public. Hello wrinkles and crow’s-feet.
Who said you can win them all?