Everyone Needs A Good Fairy

It’s holiday time and, as every parent knows, getting things done around the house is about a hundred times harder now than during school time.

I can’t explain that one. When the kids were little I could blame it on frequent trips to the seaside or to Forestry Commission places where they could join in creative activities such as, I don’t know, painting butterflies and counting the number of tadpoles in a bucket of stagnant water. Fun, hey?

But now? What’s my excuse now? I mean, teenagers don’t want to be associated with their parents as a rule of thumb, right? Unless there’s something good in it, like a May Ball dress, for example, or tickets to see Tim Minchin live, or food, or simply cash – stacks of it, not just small change – they’d far rather stick toothpicks in their own eyes than spend time with mum and dad. Well, almost all teenagers.

This year I decided that I may as well treat myself to a holiday, too, and to that effect I have stopped doing ‘household’ things three days ago. Some advantages became clear almost instantly – I now smell of lavender bath salts instead of bleach and the bags under my eyes have almost gone.

Unfortunately, there are always side effects to being idle, and that soon seeps into every little corner of your life, whether you like it or not.

So I’ve come up with a good idea: I shall call upon my lovely household fairy to help me during my holidays. Now, we know from experience that fairies specialise in their own preferred field of activity: we have tooth fairies, flower fairies, Christmas fairies, and so on.

After a few hours’ deliberation I have come up with my own list of helpful fairies, and their respective helpful activities:

  • The salt pot fairy – whose job would be to refill the pot when salt runs out. Well, no one else bothers, so…
  • The toilet tissue fairy – to rummage in the airing cupboard and stack rolls on the stand;
  • The bed sheet changer fairy – obvious, really;
  • The dog walking fairy – well, her duties are negotiable. The walking I quite enjoy. But the tugging, the spotting out which dot on the horizon is yours and convincing them to get back in the car, the growling for ownership of the best stick of seaweed, the shaking of sandy, freezing cold seawater all over me… these things I could definitely delegate.
  • The cooking fairy – someone has to cook, right? Only, no chicken or pork for one of the kids and no lamb or noodles for the other. And not served at the same time, because their social engagements don’t ever coincide. And quite often one of the dinners doesn’t get eaten – but that’s ok, dogs love ‘human’ food.
  • The bin changer fairy – for some reason that no one has been able to explain to me yet, on holidays bins fill up quicker, so they need changing more often. Especially the one that is really needed, the one in the kitchen.
  • The dusting fairy;
  • The accompanying kids around shops fairy;
  • The lawn mowing fairy;
  • The money printing fairy – well that one I could use all year round…

The list could go on ad infinitum, but that would only remind me of jobs I should be doing, so I think it would be safer for me to stop now.

What fairies would you call to your rescue? Do share, we want to know.


2 Replies to “Everyone Needs A Good Fairy”

  1. Hmmm, I don’t need most of yours – no dog, no teens left in the house and I like cooking to name just three – but I could do with a keep the car fuel tank full, fluid levels topped-up and correct tyre pressures fairy. I think a decent one could manage all these tasks. No other necessary good fairies spring to mind, but I find the boggarts more of an issue. The keystealer, the phonehider, the milksourer, the foodburner and the rest. I don’t mind the routine work and chores, but the spoilers really get me down at times.

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